I really should take up smoking

March 31, 2009

And then I thought, wait a minute, maybe I don’t have food or body image issues. What I have are compulsive behavior problems. I gave up nail biting and trichotillomania only to replace them with compulsive fasting and lying awake at night digging for my rib bones beneath the layers of flab. Brad Pilon totally called it in this post. A virtual bitch-slap, and I can’t say that I didn’t need it. I mean, I really do feel relieved. So, thanks to him!

It reminds me of that David Sedaris essay about giving up smoking (via going to Tokyo). Smoking was his compulsion of choice because (among other things), it finally gave him something to do with his hands. Once he took up smoking – presto! –his nervous tics just disappeared.

In related news, on mercola.com, there is a proven! remedy for all that ails you that consists of systematically tapping pressure points on your body throughout the day. I’m not saying this doesn’t work – hey, David Sedaris got rid of his twitching and tiny voices through the magic of nicotine – but how is this different from purposefully developing a nervous tic?

So, compulsion…It’s the behavioral equivalent of a ledge to a mountain climber, that thing that urges you forward and narrows your focus to a pinpoint while the winds die away to an urgent, all encompassing whisper that says Just do it. You feel a pressure building up to this point, so when the action hits, it feels like blowing off steam, like poking holes in yourself to let off the pressure along with the bad blood. You’re not necessarily thinking of anything, really. It’s a trance-like state, maybe akin to meditation in a way. The whole world is encompassed in the locked box of your compulsions. And you think to yourself Your mind is bigger than your prison. And then you feel like a chump for thinking anything so trite and Dr. Phil and unpoetic.

From what I’ve read, cognitive therapy presupposes that a (probably inaccurate) thought or belief precedes any such action. But compulsive over-grooming is also seen in animals. I’m not saying they don’t feel pain, but I doubt they have “thoughts” that they can swap out for “more positive thoughts.” So then you’re left with stress reduction and kitty Prozac.



Peanut Butter vs. Almond Butter – Smackdown

February 15, 2009

Freakishly, I love almonds but have always been disappointed with the taste of almond butter. And while I have an unholy love of peanut butter, I always feel guilty about eating it (PUFAs, legume suspicions, aflatoxins, etc. ARGH!). In contrast, almond butter has more of a green tea-ish “health halo” that I’ve been diligently trying to ignore because I never could make myself enjoy the taste. Whereas peanut butter is, sadly, delicious. But then I read this post on Peanut Butter Boy, which references…vanilla flavored almond butter.

Vanilla flavored almond butter, you guys. Brilliant.

So I dashed off to add vanilla extract to my poor, neglected, languishing, unloved jar of almond butter. And totally binged on the results in the name of recipe testing, but it’s what I do for science. Vanilla flavored almond butter is my new favorite nut butter*.

*I can safely say that peanut butter is not my favorite nut butter, because peanuts are not nuts, but legumes. And I’m trying to kick the PB habit, like I know I should. But I still have about 3/4 a jar of Peanut Butter & Company’s “Smooth Operator” singing to me its siren song of deliciousness. Addicted? Mayhap. If loving peanut butter is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Sob.

Dessert…more OCE

February 9, 2009

After dinner, I felt like I could use some extra coconut oil, protein, and antioxidants. I can’t tell if I really needed them, or if I am just mentally sabotaging weight loss. But! We shall see all when I weigh in tomorrow whether it was a mistake or if I really needed the nourishment.

It tasted really good though.

1 tbsp coconut oil
1 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tbsp Show Me the Whey! protein powder in chocolate
1 tbsp frozen blueberries
1 tbsp frozen raspberries

All nuked for about 30 seconds and sort of mashed up with a fork to a pudding-like consistency, then eaten very, very slowly with the smallest spoon you have. Savoring is a calming, focused meditation on flavor and texture, and helps you enjoy food to your fullest capacity. BONUS: you feel in control; it is the OPPOSITE of bingeing.